Intermission
Have you seen a Commie Tebowing?
Comrade Pishmanov kneeled before me with a red rose clenched in his teeth, a small thorn piercing his lip, a droplet of blood in the left corner. He declared his love – for me! – right hand over his heart, head down, eyes moist – with lust. The Party needed my body.
Here you have a similar posture. People drop on one knee, prop a lowered forehead on a fist, and pray celebrating their good fortune and the blessings bestowed on us and the goodnes of life in America. Amen. A football star[1] has started the fashion; it’s called tebowing. The difference is that here you tebow in gratitude and recognition, rightly acknowledging God. I like that, bowing after the fact: Thanks Supreme Power. It feels right, for a good reason.
In Communist Bulgaria, it was the other way around. We kneeled and lowered our heads in reverence to the future, mainly to get something, not because we got it. The blessings in our communist lives were of a different nature. We lived deprived of material things. Our God-given need to consume was kept in check, oppressed, postponed in the name of the future. But other impulses were encouraged like sharing, togetherness, plentiful sex, camaraderie and good humor, duty (but no stress), topped off with the communists' favorite: personal sacrifice for the sake of the other. It was as if we were duped by a red star lighting the wrong way into the future. Not now, be patient, wait. Wait till tomorrow. Wait, wait a little more, abstain, delay the ejaculation, wait for the pleasure, hold it, wait.
Which at times felt surprisingly nice. For a reason. (That is why in Bulgaria we tebowed mainly before not after.)
But I like it here. I like that consumers consume – Now! – feasting on fast food, football, and fat (although you better be careful about the fat). I like the 'now' part. I like the gratitude and the recognition, the tebowing humbly in public. You have your priorities right: satisfying consumption. Thanks Supreme Power! It is so easy to be a proud American.
Back in Bulgaria, united under a fraudulent star, misled by the goodness of creation (good sex), we had the wrong social values. It was very confusing. It was like having Jesus reborn with a red star sneaked into the crown of thorns, scarlet as the blood of Pishmanov.
Who, still on one knee in front of me, moved the rose into his fist and gracefully leaned his forehead on it, mindful of the thorn this time, tebowing with passion, handsome and strong, the droplet of blood still there. I tiptoed with my back to the door for a quick check on the lock.
The hotel bed behind Pishmanov's broad back was unmade and quite narrow, but it would do. My future laid, legs splayed in it. I closed my eyes and imagined: My powerful boss – mine! I felt excited, thrilled to bits, thrilled to be soon finding out whether Comrade Pishmanov would live up to his reputation for being the world's greatest Communist lover! Oh, man! My future was bright and my price would be a pleasure!
Which brings me to the point of this short intermission. Here is another uplifting (Communist) gift from Bulgaria. Every time you see a tebower, imagine a bed behind his back. Think of the future. Imagine the pleasure! Delay the ejaculation. Don’t hurry! Not now. Not yet. Think of each other. Oh, my!
But Sh-sh-sh… Please let’s try to not tell Johnny, let's keep it a secret. It is all imagination, anyway. Let’s keep it a secret. Let’s pray.
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The capitalist free market notion used to infuriate my ex-communist boss Comrade Pishmanov and trigger his infamous anti-American cant, because Communism is rooted in reality, based on substance, bolstered by logic. No Boo-Boo and bullshit. Your individual opinion doesn’t matter. You are a minion. Together the collective knows best; the collective wisdom propped up by the Communist Party, our Mother Protectress, trumps all individual perceptions for the benefit of all people; no doubt! 
